To Me or Not To Me

July 28, 2015

I am coming into a beautiful new relationship with myself. It seems unfortunate that it has taken six decades to get to this point, but I am happy to be here now.

 

I have always loved my mind, my body, my spirit….but I have frequently had two or more of the above at war with one another. Each vying to be the most important, the most fed and nurtured…to the ultimate detriment of all, I fear.

 

There have been many manic, driven periods of reading, writing, studying anything that caught my interest, sucking up any knowledge I could, from whoever and wherever I could: periods of the same intensity where I would workout, move, work incredibly hard and fast at anything physical, running, walking, clubs, equipment, home improvements, and still not feel sated; and then the times when I would delve deep, deeper, and deeper still into the spirit realm, praying, fasting, reading, throwing cards, meditating, casting, dream walking, anything to feed my spirit. Always, every part feeling still hungry, still thirsty, spiraling in this vortex of need, of distress….of being unfinished, incomplete. There would inevitably come the down times, mostly ok, not awful, just rest from too much frenetic whatever…..but every so often a very bad, deep depression, where I was nearly worn away…I had almost disappeared. These were the running times.Run away! Run away! Change! Hide! Start over!

 

I knew this about myself. I have known it for a very long time. Something perverse in me loved those manic, intense periods so much…knew them so well, yearned for them. Something else in me yearned to unite them, my mind, body, and spirit. I was afraid of how it would change me, but knew it was the very best thing for me, the only way I would become my true and complete self.

 

How about you? Do you feel like all aspects of your Self are in harmony? If so, have you always felt that way? I would love to hear from you, in comments, or via email. 

 

 

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